uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
