my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You brought string cheese to the strip club
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
