Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
