You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
