Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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