me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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