I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Enjoy the penises
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
