she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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