if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
