I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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