Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
