I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
