everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
do nipples grow back?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
