I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize