i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
