I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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