my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
