shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
