I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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