Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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