This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had to cum in my sink.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
