I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
