We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
