I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
