I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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