Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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