Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
