I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize