Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
