Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
