In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
