Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
