Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
