and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
