I smell stomach acid.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize