belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
