i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
