Apparently you make a good broom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
nutella sex= disaster
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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