I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
