Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
