His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
