The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
