He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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