something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
