I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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