remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
