Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
there is glitter all over my balls
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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