im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
