Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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