I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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