READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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