...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
