watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
