Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
