i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
