there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
