there's paper in my vomit.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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