it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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