Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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