does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
