I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
