I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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