Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
