well most of my day revolves around power hour
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
