i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im part way to drunk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
