We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
