I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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