Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
