3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
