I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
