garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
