I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
