question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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