lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
